Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Read the Signs

You know that scene in Baby Momma when Tina Fey tries to force a horse-pill of a prenatal pill down Amy Poehler's throat? She gives her water, hides it in food, holds Amy's nose and no dice. Theres just not getting her to take the pill.

Thats usually how it goes for me. I have to be on a last leg to get me to willingly take medicine. I cant tell you how many times I've come back from the pill-happy military treatment facility (Doctors office in civilian terms) with a bag full of goodies, and dumped them in the bin. I didn't get to do that today.
The clinic here is pretty tiny, but it has so many specialty clinics with in it its ridiculous.  And they all have the same procedure.

Stand here, behind this line (read the sign). Have your ID ready (read that sign too). Sit until you're called but if you're there 10 minutes after your appointment, tell someone (the sign says so). Get paperwork from THIS doctor to take to other doctors (funny enough, this doesn't have a sign. It has instructions on the paper).

I did that at the main clinic, where I was sent to the labs and read more signs about standing and sitting and waiting. The labs sent me to the referral office with more waiting and reading. On the way to the referral office I tried to do the unthinkable. I tried to take a short cut to all the standing, sitting, and waiting.
Here was my erroneous thought process:
Its a big open lobby. Theres 3 windows I have to hit and they're pretty much like the numbers on a clock face. Sign in at the pharmacy to let them know I want my meds (12 o clock). Pick up my referral at the Referral window (6 o clock). By this point pharmacy should have my prescription ready and when they call me I can pick up the goodie bag and ditch the place (3 o clock).

The referral office decided to make it interesting for me. Once I got there they gave me two papers. One with my referral. The other a paper I had to take to the doctor who just saw me, located at the 9 o clock point. Ok. Not too hard, I can still squeeze that in before my meds are ready.
Stand here, behind this line....
I havent properly filled out the paper with my name and address. Ok, I step aside to do so and when im done, theres a line.
Stand here AGAIN...behind this line....
The clerk starts to murmur about my paperwork when across the lobby at the 6 o'clock point, a pharmacist is bellowing my last name. I wave. He totally doesn't see me. I flap my arm in his direction, I cant leave! Nope. Hes too busy looking directly away from me while he butchers my name.
"Sir! Sir im over----"
"Char - lean?? Leave-an-Dowski??"
Now the clerk before me is too busy to hear me tell him that the Pharmacy needs me REAL quick. I turn back to the Pharmacist and try to catch his attention again. Nope. Course not.
Clerk is obviously unconcerned with me.
I dash across the lobby, dragging Aeva by one arm. Not at all quietly.
The pharmacist is so precious, he looks up mid yell and says: Oh...There you are!
Yes here I am, I need to be back over THERE so lets cut the chit chat and give me the goods!
At this point screw the Stand Here, Behind this Line. I skip in front of everyone annnddddd.....

The clerk that helped me is gone.

The new clerk gives me the famous 'I am not comprehending your english, please try someone else' look. So I wait. But dammit im not waiting behind the line. Im done with reading all the signs. I stand right in the middle of the lobby, away from all seating areas and lines. Aeva has collapsed at my feet crankily whining and I for once Im glad she can be so annoying. Go ahead baby girl. Let them know were here and thoroughly unthrilled at this goose chase.  Aeva needs her butt changed, I need a coffe since I fasted, and where the HELL is the clerk with my paper?

Luckily I made it out of there 10 minutes later, papers and meds in hand. Child....dragging beside me. A Whataburger trip later, Aeva is out in her toddler bed and I start to feel the effects of all 3 pills converging in my blood system. For the first time in a good while I get 45 glorious minutes of dreamless sleep.

Until of course lawn maintenance decides to detail all corners of my house, to the full enjoyment of a barking Cerb.
For someone who hates to take pills...Im surprised at my disappointment when I pick up the bottles and read: Take ONCE daily.

Know what this requires? More coffee.

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