Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Loose ends

I wrote this years ago in the middle of an anguished time in life full of fear of being forgotten. 
I've not been shy about my biggest fear in a long long time. Why hide it? Secrets...they seem especially sweet to the evil and perverse. They find it exquisite to lord it over you: 'see? I've something no one knows. I've cause to have you hide. To have you run.'
But no secrets stay secret for ever. I ousted mine years ago as a peace offering to life. As a plea to others. 
"See here! This is my fear. I beg of you.. Do not bring it against me. "
I fear abandonment.
Being left so swiftly and without a speck of regard. This act of purposely forgetting someone because they meant nothing. 
Severing ties that bind. 
I wrote this then and yet it still hovers over me. So I beseech anew: do not hold this blade over my neck...

Loose Ends 
I dont think you can remember me
Feels like its been ages
but counting back...weve hardly been apart
what happened way back when, can you tell me what started it all?
Ive loose ends i want to laces on a shoe
because they keep on tripping me as i walk this life
catching a foot forward by the foot thats on the back
Ive tried so hard to reach down to them
those white strings of lies 
and every time i go for them...i loose my sight and fall
Im laying here now, on the pavement, on the ground
The laces seem so far from me
I wonder if theyll be found
Somewhere far along the length of me...scars now, scars..
Resting my cheek on the gravel i stretch my arms out to the front
Dont think im reaching forward
I want to be helped up
This time its not so easy to dust the old knees off
The dirt is all over me, seething painful in my mouth
And still i think of yesturday
White lines white lace white lies
A color so easy tarnished
Except in the mind
I cant look to them, im sure i could curl up and glance
To think that they may still be unraveled
Far better that than I
looking back to see the ends shear cut off
nothing left of those strands
for me to tie back up