Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Get Some!! Became Got Too Much!

Im not gonna lie.

I totally got my ass handed to me at Body Pump yesterday.
Its Thursday already. Ok... Tuesday. I had my ass handed to me Tuesday. Not that I wanted it back and Im sure that at some point I did lose an inch or (hopefully) more of it.
Heres the thing. Im not sure who the hell to blame but between Europeans and their confusing metric system and ours I walked into Pump class ready to grab the numbered weights I always push : Four 5lb weights two 2.5lb weights.
Now, before you go chuckling at my low numbers, Id like to say: Kiss my ass. YOU come to pump and do the crap we do in 1 hour and then you can laugh. Unless you're a professional weight lifter. In that case Ill laugh because I hear that all that intense lifting makes for a tiny penis.

No. Nothing decreases a female's awesomeness. Sorry fellas.

Anyhow. I set up my bench and grabbed my barbell bar and clips and then selected my weights. Picking up the first batch of 5 weights I was thinking "Shit, a month away has really fucked me up!".  I was determined not to let ANYONE see me struggle so I heaved my lot and tried to walk without looking like I was gonna cave under what I though was 25 lbs.
Totally missed the Kg after the number 5.
1lb is 2.2kg roughly. Yea buddy do the math. That was 55 lbs I was trying to carry across the gym floor. Typically thats not too hard to carry if its say, a bag of dog food. You can heave that big fella over ur shoulder and the kibble nuggets settle evenly so that weight is redistributed in a somewhat even weight. try 6 sliding weighted discs. All pulling ur center of gravity forward so you can give the floor a violent kiss. Possibly spare a tooth or 3.

Lets just say I never got to add two of the 5kg weights. I effectively survived the class pushing double my usual weight.

This morning. Yesterday morning, what ever, was a different story. Due to some unfortunate luck and lack of mercy, I sleep on a pallet twin mattress on the bottom bunk with Aeva. Any given day its cramped and I hardly get any sleep but after that workout I was devastatingly sore in the morning when Aeva trampled me and then pried my eyes open to ask for the cereal she NEVER eats.

I dragged my good friend Jocelyn with me to body pump with me yesterday. I caught her via text as she was inevitably writing me a death wish for having put her through my kind of torture. I cant honestly say that it was a way of repayment for the one Cardio Kickboxing class she took me to 4 years ago where I was only slightly silently praying Id have a mild cardiac arrest so I could be excused instead of only FEELING like I was having a heart attack.... but I think it could be viewed as paid in full.

Im sure we looked the pair walking stiff legged and nearly on the balls of our feet (less muscle extension and contraction) at the mall where we met this afternoon to try to get me into a decent business wardrobe. We definitely seemed like lazy moms when we wouldn't chase our rambunctious preschoolers dashing in and out of racks of women's clothing, using leggings as jump ropes, and peeking into dressing rooms. Thing is we COULDN'T. Id rather yell and make empty threats than move faster than our peg-legged swag and risk losing all muscle cooperation and thus falling bag-o-bones style to the floor. Im pretty sure my neurons all had a meeting some time last night and decided on a quota of hourly voluntary use of muscle control. Once I used up my allotted muscle commands... I was shit outta luck.

I've been sitting on this stoopid heating pad most of the evening but I think all I've gotten from it is a rash. The heat gets to the flesh of my tummy but does diddly squat for my hip and thighs. I dont think I can point my damn toes without wincing.

I have a feeling Ill be sleeping on the couch... theres a step up to get to the room. Its not worth the effort :/