Sunday, February 10, 2013

6 years.

Dont worry, this wont be long.

As a matter of fact I cant even figure out how to start this.

I get told often: To be happy, to move forward, you must forgive those that have wronged you and also forgive yourself.

I am not entirely sure that I can forgive you.
Forgiving myself isnt easy either. After all, the sins that I must be paying off with this life-sentence arent easily ignored.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; its you who gets burned."

Theres no getting rid of these coals I never meant to touch. None the less they burn through my youth and my health and my ability to move forward.

All the while, you, who crashed that car and nearly took my take your life for granted.
I was wheeled into that trauma room yelling for my life, for a call to my small daughter because I was sure to die in those wrecked pieces I was lying in. You, on the other hand, yelled for the nurse to 'please please dont cut the boots off!'. Fickle. Shallow.

And never a day of regret.
For you any how.

I will lose that joint one day fucker. Or that leg even. Until that day, I live a slow and terribly painful life that I am ensured will only hurt more with each moment.

6 years tomorrow. 6 mother fucking years. And today, the pain spiked making me reach a new level: Ive decided to ask for the medicine I swore Id never give in to.