Tuesday, February 14, 2012

God, if you're listening... stop messing with me.

I am not sure if Divine entities read blogs or not but in the slight chance that they may:


Is there maybe a system I can do some volunteer hours on, maybe take a few sin-management classes and get my Karma slate wiped clean?
Cuz if I didn't do anything to deserve this... Y'all have a sick sense of humor.

Iris was, and in her own way, still is the easiest child to deal with. As an infant she was calm, hardly cried, potty trained easily, and was over all a part of a prank to convince me a second child would be just as peaceable.

Yep, I am talking about Aeva.
Hi mom. I was beautifying myself.

With what? Oh, this. 

No...I didn't make a mess.

I was washing dishes and I could smell peppermint. I dont use peppermint. And if anything in the house WAS peppermint...it had to be in decent quantities for me to smell it from the kitchen. Thats when the lotion covered kid walked in. Thanks Aeva. I needed a reason to interrupt my most detested chore. And do a worse one.

Iris NEVER led me to childproofing my house. Especially not after she learned at about age 2 that time outs are consequences. 

Ive had to step up my child proofing as Aeva rounds 2 and a half.

There are gummies up there. 

Certainly this isn't how she's been sneaking them lately right?

Maybe I can sell her to a carnival with this talent. 


If you ever wanted kegel exercises, this is the kid to get you to practice them. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have had to stop pee mid-stream and run out of the bathroom because I just heard something expensive being manhandled by Aeva. 
Sometimes I think my kids' father comes over to spend time with them and figures I havent done a thing all day because theres just no way to whip out the camera fast enough to document half the crap this kid does to my house. 
Im at the point where I dont even try to apologize when my kid belly flops onto her dinner plate because she figures thats how shell reach the napkin holder. Or when I walk out of Zumba because while trying to discard her pee diaper, Aeva peed on her jeans and its all over the front. And she keeps picking at it. Telling everyone we pass on the way out, that its pee. And mom just cant seem to muster a look of pity.

I could go on for chapters. Aeva has a knack for making any cake walk a slide and tumble. 

But its kind of hard to be too upset at the kid who jams two pacifiers in her mouth just to make you giggle when the rest of your Karma is trying to make you forget how to smile.

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