Without going into detail, today has been full of angst, excitement...and utter frustration. Normally I am decent at handling stress. I can become angry or determined and in both instances I get stuff done. The other side of that coin is when all this stress comes with a rope around both my hands. And feet. And today, a gag. It may sound like some frisky and freaky bedroom venture, but I assure you were sadly far from THAT.
My ortho surgeon doesn't approve but I go to Yoga 2-3 times a week. I wish I could say that it has helped my injuries and strengthened my muscles but really I think its given me more like iron lungs (breathe! the teacher yells, BREATHE! how the hell when im upside down and contorted?!) and strong ish legs. As in I can now stand in a squat and not utterly die with in 10 seconds.
None the less, I go to yoga because it helps center me when I manage to clear out my head from all the crap that collects there daily. It also lets me exert a decent amount of frustration. Its odd, I know, because its supposed to be a flowing sorta thing. I more like flop. Maybe thats where my heart rate goes haywire.
Going into class, 2 or 3 women were having a discussion concerning small children. Soon an older man and two much younger women chimed it.
It took reminding myself that i dont want to go to jail to keep from unleashing a torrent of anger on the people in that class. Heres a few choice excerpts of their conversation:
"I absolutely hate when parents bring their stupid snot nosed kids to a restaurant. I mean REALLY! Keep those things home till they're old enough to know how to stay quiet"
"Oh if MY kid EEEVVVERRR got even slightly loud in a restaurant, I would slap the ever loving crap out of them and *snaps fingers* we'd be OUT of there!"
"I just dont understand why parents are so much about bringing their babbling kids to restaurants. No one wants to hear them!"
"I believe people with children should just stay home!"
"I have actually asked to be MOVED when ever I get seated next to kids, like uh uh! waiter, I am NOT paying good money to sit by THOSE"
"Kids dont belong in restaurants!"
"People shouldn't be allowed to chose how many kids they have, what for? They're just annoyances! I say they get snipped against their will at 2 kids!"
What has society come to? Do they not realize that they were kids once too?? That children, unlike 'adults', are unable to regulate their emotions? That they're not keen to social clues? That most of the time they're just so damn excited to be sitting down at a table with many others around and food they aren't accustomed to having at home? How, pray tell, do these 'adults' expect children, whose synapses are merely just beginning to take on more controlled functions and higher thinking skills, to do things that even THEY cannot do?
Let me tell you something about these 'adults'. They're worse than kids.
You, skinny broad that complained about kids making noises and disrupting your 15 dollar fucking meal....YOU piss me off every goddamn time you GRUNT and breathe so damn heavy I can hear you across the room because you happen to think its cute and you need everyone to notice you pulling off a perfect plank. Good job. You have muscles that hold up your 80 lb frame. How about muscles to control your damn tongue?
Or YOU, elderly 'gentleman' who complains about kids being rude and obnoxious...how come when you farted not ONCE not TWICE but 4 times in a row in a very quiet room did you not excuse yourself? I've met toddlers with more decency. Next time at least try to pass gas when were not all on the ground doing breathing exercises. And for GODS SAKE, excuse yourself.
Then theres YOU, woman who obviously cant remember having kids (or maybe you were never blessed with them...which is probably a good thing). You're the type who parties too hard, who drinks too heavy and regrets everything she does in her inebriated state but yet never learns consequences. You're not able to keep yourself in check...but you DARE to criticize parents that are probably so tired from properly raising happy healthy children that they decide to treat themselves and their children to dinner out??
Dear college student. Dont open your fucking mouth. I hear enough about your weekend escapades, your supposive dislike of being 'hit on by like omg every guy in a 20 mile radius!'. You have more need for attention than the toddler who is beaming over handling spaghetti on his own.
I went into class today utterly exhausted from an emotionally draining day. I felt like a failure of a woman, an adult, and parent.
I ended up disgusted by the realization that I am not as bad off as the people my children will be sharing social and physical space for the rest of their lives.
Every time we went into child's pose, sitting back onto our heels, foreheads touching the ground, hands extended before us...I thought about my children. About how these 'adults' were once children, in poses much like this one. Vulnerable. Innocent. Bowed down by a world that has lost the meaning of the joy of raising a child as a community...and not shunning it.
I came away from my mat today completely devoid of energy. I spent my whole hour watching adults make childish movements, comments, and decisions. As I pressed my hands to my mat, hoping to connect to the world around me,...I realized the world around me cares not for one another.
I came home to hear even worse news. My bubbly Aeva had been told by an elderly woman at Ihop to shut up.
She told her to be quiet. To stop talking. She CLAPPED HER HANDS at her...like she would at a DOG.
If I have one thing to be proud and grateful for in my Ex this week...its that he told the woman to shut the fuck up herself.
Granted I would of preferred to do more but this is probably why I was in Yoga trying not to go to jail over hypothetical children. Iris was completely upset and confused as to why anyone would treat her sister like that. She was after all "just being a lil kid, momma...she cant help it."
Dear adults of the world. You've got a lot of growing the hell up to do.
I hope you stay in your goddamn houses until you are wise enough to be social assets. Instead of just asses.