Saturday, March 17, 2012

Indecent exposure

I may just be able to learn from my own mistakes ladies and gents.

I am coming to the realization that I have a knack for embarrassing myself with how I dress..or as yesterday was the case, DONT dress. I also have a bad habit of locking myself out by means of leaving/losing my IDs. On this base, you must have your military ID in order to get in through the gate. If you dont have your Mil ID, then you can stop at the Guest Center outside the gate and use your drivers license to get a pass.

But of course if I dont have my Mil ID, chances are good that I also dont have my drivers license. As of late I cant even FIND my drivers license. What does this mean? It means Im quite screwed.

The first time I left my wallet at home was on a morning that I was running late to drop Iris off at school. I jumped out of bed, wrapped Aeva up in a blanket and sped out the gate and down the street. Coming back I realized my oversight and thought I could sweeten up the gate guard into letting me back in since they see me EVERY single weekday. I know two spouses who get waved in, I should be able to get waved in too right?

Couldn't be any more wrong. I was turned away and directed to the Guest Center.

Let me paint you a picture. I was wearing pink PJ pants with white polka dots and the Air Force PT shirt I had slept in. Because I had literally RUSHED out of the house...I was also sans a bra. I was at least coherent enough to slip into my pink fuzzy slippers (I have been known to drive stick barefoot). My hair was in its usual messy bun only it never looks as cute as it does on other women. My hair likes to be impossible. I threaten it with shaving it off but then my face tells me Id have worse problems in the mirror if I did that.

I found a sweatshirt in the trunk so I at least averted the braless embarrassment but when I get one stroke of good luck I just KNOW something else is coming. The tiny Guest Center was crowded with contrators awaiting passes when I got there.

*Cricket*Cricket* yep. I was that poor a sight. But thats not where the other shoe dropped.
Because I didn't have ANY form of ID and both my neighbor and my Ex were unavailable to escort me in to the base I was given a police escort.

Course they couldn't allow me to drive the half mile to house though. Thats too easy. Or, 'illegal' in their opinion. I was escorted in the BACK of the cop car.

Nothing like getting dropped off at your house in your bedroom worst and then having to climb back in with your wallet so you could walk through the Guest Center again and claim your vehicle.

I swore that this would never happen to me again, but really y'all should know me better by now.

Of course it happened again.

I managed a bra this time since it was well after noon. I was wearing little shorts because the days have been getting warmer and I shaved my legs (women will understand that sentiment). Feeling every bit like the Wonder Woman on my shirt I thought I could rock knee high boots. It was raining so I substituted boots with pink and purple plaid galoshes. No ones gonna see me anyways. I was just driving up and grabbing Iris.

I sat at the corner gas station for 20 minutes waiting on my friend and savior Jen to come fetch Iris from me so she could get my ID at the house. I was NOT going to stride in to the Guest Center in that get up.

Tonight I needed filtered water because theres no way I am gonna drink this nasty liquid calcium water that San Angelo pipes into my tap. I ran out of gallons but I always have a 24 pack of bottled water riding in the jeep. I meant to make myself some coffee and sit on the porch so I had pulled on knee high fuzzy boots because I was too lazy to change from itty bitties to long pants, and for lack of finding my regular hoodie I fished out my Tinker bell halloween one.

I was THIS close to walking out of my patio to my car when I caught myself. This,...was all too familiar. I sat my happy ass back down. Coffee can wait till tomorrow.


  1. Hehe well guess I saved the day this time....Reading backwards... first the chicken now this one....

  2. Hey atleast you SAVED ME! I cannot thank you enough! Youre an eye witness to my poor ability to dress appropriately under bad situations.