Ok God. Gaia. Ahura Mazda. Allah. Who ever you are. I know you're up there if only because the shit that happens to me could only be caused by a greater being for their amusement. I mean, c'mon. Im a good sport. I shake most of your jokes off, we give each other high-fives, admit you got me there, ect.
You're pushing it there though. Im your child, no? Isn't that what most of your prophets teach? Were bordering on child abuse here, Old Man.
That moth in the shower was unnecessary. Alright, so I toiled on a sabbath day. Did you need to leave the wispy-winged, multi-legged bugger IN MY SHOWER???
There is NOTHING. And I repeat NOTHING sexy about me hoping around and flailing soaped up limbs in a square foot space while the moth buzzes around in an apparent mirrored frenzy TOWARDS ME. You know what water tends to do to wispy things like bugs? It makes them stick. Thats right. It makes their gross, microscopically furry insectoid bodies stick to my wet FLESH.
So you know what I did? I grabbed a shampoo bottle and BATTED the moth away. Not once. Not twice. Not even just thrice...no. I batted at the poor cretin like I was battling a swath of attacking zombies. Like my life depended on making sure it wasn't gonna get back up and fly at my no-nos.
Im the woman who hand removed 700 baby praying mantises that early January morning after they hatched from the cocoon their mother placed in my real-live christmas pine tree just so we didn't have to kill them. I dont dispatch bugs! I dont kill things!
Im a murderess by duress...
I ended up cowering under the shower head, hoping the pelting of the water would drive it away from me or maybe take it away with the rush of water towards the open drain but that little fucker was kickin! The water only kept it at bay. I took one split second to look away (in case there was something I could use to get him out that didn't involve shampoo bottles), and when I glance back...its gone.
Not in the drain. Not in the curtain. Not in PLAIN SIGHT.
Im just gonna have to deal with one unshaved arm pit and a head full of non-leave in conditioner tomorrow. Fuck if Im going back in there.