Saturday, March 8, 2014

I am not a lot

Here is a list of what I am NOT:

Im not a morning person.
Im not able to function without the sweet nectar of coffee.
Im not organized.
Im not into rabbit food or any of these fucking new age diets crap.
Im not thin.
Im not patient.
Im not a runner.
Im not typically safe for the general public's sensitivities.
Im not typical. Period.

Im also not thrilled about waking up and having to go to PT on the weekend before my 3rd mug of joe. Im fairly certain my therapist, Steve, came to this understanding when I stood infront of him receiving instructions. I was slightly hunched, a few degrees to the right, arms a la neanderthal, and eyes that were only open from the sheer force of raised eyebrows. In my workout get-up, I could of passed as an entrant in the local Zombie Run. As a zombie.

Jog in intervals on the treadmill he says.
"gnehhh..." I answer

He has the treadmill set up facing a window and I was so dazed by the sunlight I often forgot to change the speeds for the intervals.

Steve: Hows it going?
Me: Yes.
Steve: ...Does it feel ok?...
Me: Oh. Yea. Knee? Dunno...stiff. Hip..uff...
Steve:...ok. Well...we will talk when youre done...

Pre-Surgery physical restrictions, Surgery, Post surgery 6-month no-weight bearing restrictions and pain....All those suckers added weight and my hips and ass are gluttons. They rake up any extra calories around and store it away. This is evident in my need to pull my shirt down in the back every few strides. Id like to punish the hoarders but we all know im an amazing cook and I just cant buy into the Quinoa craze.

Steve is the kind of physical therapist that is used to athletes. Hes used to working with them and as far as I know, is one himself. not.
Yet and still I am set up to run plyometric drills, hoping from square to square on the ground on the tips of my toes and quick-stepping through the taped off 'ladder' on the ground. I remind myself to buy a TIGHTER workout bra. Im squatting on the flat side of a Bosu Ball which is the #1 most awkward squat I have YET to achieve.

Steve takes measurements. Lift your leg. Rotate left. Rotate right. Dont let me push your leg down. Now left. Now right. Strength, Range of motion, and flexibility measurements are jotted down as part of my re-evaluation today.

Steve: I rarely give out 5s. You have one 5 for quad strength. Most patients I receive, have not had hip or bone surgery. They come and go at a 3- or 3+ range. You have 4s. Congrats. You are technically at normal hip functionality.
Dont get too giddy. Watch that hip rotator. Its bad. And that ankle. Your 5k is no longer an if, but a when.

I am not entirely fixed.
I am not fully broken.

Growing up in Miami, 60 degrees was the dead of winter. A freeze came at 55 degrees. God forbid 50 ever showed its face in the Sunshine State. We will go to work and school hours before a Category 4 Hurrican graces our shores, loading up on booze and food for the traditional Hurrican Parties, but its a state of emergency if we can see our breath when we exhale. No one goes to school. No one goes to work. We could DIE out there!

I think it was 60 degrees most of this afternoon so naturally we went to the park.

Both girls brought their bikes, walked them to a bench, and left them there while they used the play ground.

Aeva: Momma!! Come get me!

Aeva is running fast towards a green rubberized hill on the playground. Its steep and you need momentum to run up its side. Shes halfway there.

I take off.

I look like that Zombie I mentioned, or maybe like Igor but screw that Im gonna win this race!
I make it to the top, we butt-scoot all the way down and Iris turns to me with two hands up.

"You did it mom.... High five!"

Im not fast or smooth.
Im not still sitting on the bench watching from a distance either.

Theres a trail in the park that weaves through a forested area and into a garden with more trails, a lake, and an atrium. Iris stays behind in the park with our friend Chris, and Aeva asks me to take her on the nature trail for an 'adventure'.

Aeva: Momma, I need to exercise my legs. Can I run? Will you run with me?

She takes off. Steve said no running outside because there was ice on the ground.
But its 60 degrees and I dont see ice on the trail.

We run for a few minutes, winding through the forest and dashing around other people on the trail. My canter is hobbled. My steps are shorter on the left and quick to shift to my right. Aeva picks the road when we come to fork and she tells us when to pause before resuming. We cover about 2 miles. Maybe more. Aeva names the geese we see. The two that are snapping at each other and honking angrily she names after herself and her sister. Pretty accurate if you ask me.

Aeva: I like running with you.
Me: I like running with you too.

Im not a runner.
Im not giving up yet.


  1. You write beautifully, like the sun peeking out after the rain

  2. I, too, love your writing...such poetry in your words!