Thursday, September 6, 2012

Three C's but the Opposite of the Diamond Ring

What do two chairs, one big toe and two skeins of golden yarn have to do with this time of the night?
Couldn't be anything but Rapunzel hair pieces for Aeva's birthday party favors, unless of course you have a very active imagination.
In that case,...lets just keep it to our selves ok?
I foresee a 5 hour energy shot in my very near wake-up and I havent even gone to bed yet. Its a good thing I keep a large container of instant coffee and creamer in my co-workers drawer (hes conveniently seated next to the hot water ) because these late late nights lately have me entirely drained.
Are you still stuck on trying to figure out how my first line translates into hair pieces?

You cant see the other chair because it was only used to hold my laptop while it played sad songs on Pandora and when I was winding the yarn between the backs in order to keep length consistency.
Unfortunately, you can probably still see how badly I need a nice relaxing pedicure.
Just like I havent been on here since I started my INTENSE job in Human Resources back in June, I havent honestly crafted in a long long while. It felt nice to have yarn between my finger tips. I even dove back into working with tulle and created a full length tutu version of the Tangled Rapunzel gown for Aeva. I havent finished it yet nor received royal approval but once I do, you bet your jewels Ill be posting the gaudy mess on here.
Thanks to a very understanding boss-man, I got to take a sick day today (yesterday, whatever) so that I could wake up with my little one and stay with her through her 3rd birthday.
We got to watch Big Sister ride the school bus. It wasn't a very happy realization once Aeva saw Iris get on and she wasn't going too but nothing a momma cuddle on the walk back to the Jeep couldn't help. After the fiasco of trying to explain why 3 wasn't the magical ride-in-the-front-seat number, we made it to Toys R Us. Following her sister's tradition of snubbing ANYONE wishing her a happy birthday or a happy hello whilst in princess attire and donning the paper birthday crown, Aeva strode through aisle after aisle of toys carelessly slapping passerbys with her Toys R Us issued mylar ballon.
I walked out with a screaming, slobbering newly minted 3 year old who for no apparent reason felt like raising hell even though I got her the unimpressive Rapunzel crown we came for anyways.
A happy meal (yes...yes a happy meal, she ASKED and so fucking sue me..its her birthday...), library visit and nap later, my time with my little one was up. It was Daddy's turn.
Its hard to believe that 3 years ago we both waited fretfully in a hospital room for the arrival of the little one who had made us keep our hearts in our throats with so many threatened moments to her life.
I remember walking out of the bathroom leaving the two pink lined stick on the edge of the bathtub, shaking my head with a smile and shrugging at him as he flew by me to see the results I couldn't mouth. We had lost a baby before her. I was excited but reserved.
The first time I started to bleed I panicked. I ran to the car, drove pell mell to the hospital.
The second time....
There was so so much blood. It was impossible that I could still have her alive. I went into shock, watched from outside my body as nurses installed a port, tests were called in. I was 4 months along.
Facing the wall as I was hooked up to a sonogram machine, I ignored the technician telling me the formalities: I cannot tell you results. Only a doctor can tell you the results of this test. I am only a technician.
Pa-Thump. Swoosh. Pa-Thump. Swoosh.
She had filled the room with the only result I needed, the sound of my little ones steady heart beat. I remember him reaching for my hand and knowing that for now, we were still ok. Doctors couldn't tell us for how long, but we would be fine. For now.
In that labor room we took a gamble to try for a normal delivery. Aeva was born angry and red. We both cried so hard that day. Years of learning the basics of sharing and we couldn't give up a single second with this tender array of our best traits.
3 years go by in a teary blink.
Now I am letting her little fingers untwine from mine and walk to hold his. Its his half of her day.
As they go off to celebrate the beautiful birth of one of the only two blessings in my life, I am signing on this very day the end of a high school romance.
Neither one of us are the people we were even a year ago. Let alone 12.
How does one bury a husband who isn't dead but has seized to exist?
Its a party at a funeral.
Cake, Candles, but where is the Casket....

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